Thriving Jewelz

You do not have to fix yourself before coming back to Him.

“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.” —Matthew 11:28

If life no longer allows you to meet with God the way you once did, and you have mistaken that change for spiritual failure, this is for you.

For a long time, I measured my closeness to God by what I was able to do. I spent a lot of time praying, reading His Word, worshiping, and serving in church. Those practices were meaningful parts of my relationship with God, but without realizing it, I had begun treating them as proof that I was close to Him.

Then my life changed.

I became a wife and a mother. At one point, I was raising three children ages five and under while going to school, carrying responsibilities, and walking through grief.

There were moments when I sought God, and there were other moments when life was simply lifing. I was not praying every day. I was not consistently reading my Bible. I was not having a thirty-minute devotional or following the kind of routine I thought I needed.

Sometimes, all I had was five minutes.

Because I could no longer maintain the spiritual routine I once had, I began blaming myself. I thought I was inconsistent. I believed I was disappointing God. Shame convinced me that God was not approachable until I could do better.

The problem was not prayer, worship, reading Scripture, or serving. Those are beautiful and necessary parts of my relationship with God.

The problem was that I had begun using them to measure whether God was pleased with me.

When Grief Took Away My Ability to Perform

Grief uncovered what was happening inside my heart.

I did not fully understand how deeply grief had affected me during that season. I was broken, fragile, and walking through an intensely lonely time. I did not always have the words to explain what I was experiencing.

But I could worship.

I remember reaching a point when I decided that I would not allow anyone to tell me how to grieve. I was going to worship God through my grief in the way I knew how.

Worship became my language when I did not have words.

I cried before God. I returned to Him again and again. His grace continued to meet me in my brokenness.

The Psalms became a place where I could find words for what my heart was carrying:

“I lift up my eyes to the mountains—where does my help come from? My help comes from the Lord.” —Psalm 121:1–2

“God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble.” —Psalm 46:1

I remember crying out to Him:

“Lord, I am broken. I am fragile, and I need You. You are my refuge. You are my help.”

I also had to admit and acknowledge something even more personal:

“God, You are the only Father I can call upon now, and I need You.”

God did not remove my grief. He did not make the losses disappear or instantly change what I was walking through.

He met me there.

He became my refuge in the middle of it.

The Psalms Became My Language

Recently, I found an old devotional packet dated June 21, 2017. Each day, I would read from the Psalms and then write out what was in my heart.

On one of those pages, I had written:

“God, I seek Your approval above man’s approval. So use this blog to speak to hearts of believers and unbelievers. Use this blog for Your glory and glory only.”

Reading those words nearly ten years later stopped me.

Now I can see that Thriving Jewelz did not begin with a well-thought-out plan. It began with a woman who was learning, for the first time, that she could present her broken heart honestly before God.

Grief was where God began uncovering the conditions of my heart. It was where He revealed the shame, fear, and pressure I had been carrying. It was also where He began teaching me that I did not have to perform my way into His presence.

For years, I did not have the language to explain what was happening inside me.

Now I can speak about it.

Grief is part of my story. It is part of my testimony. I can share what God has done in me because He deserves the glory—and because another woman may be standing where I stood ten years ago, trying to survive a loss she does not yet have words for.

I want her to know that God is real.

He may not change her grief, but He will meet her there.

Learning to Receive Grace

Over time, God began healing the shame I carried into my relationship with Him.

I had offered grace to everyone else while shaming myself whenever I fell short. But God taught me that His grace and mercy were also available to me.

“Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning.” —Lamentations 3:22–23

Today, my time with God does not always look like it did in a previous season.

My first prayer in the morning may only be five minutes:

“God, give us our daily bread. Give my husband and me the grace, strength, and wisdom we need for today.”

During the long drive to my daughter’s school, I worship, listen to His Word through Truth’s Table, and pray. Sometimes my time with God happens in the car. Sometimes it is a short prayer. Sometimes it is simply turning my heart toward Him in the middle of a full day.

I am no longer beating myself up because I do not have a perfect devotional routine.

Five minutes with God is not worthless.

A prayer spoken in the car is not less meaningful.

Worship in the middle of a busy day still reaches Him.

God is not restricted to one place, one routine, or one way of meeting with me. He meets me wherever I honestly turn my heart toward Him.

I finally understood that God wanted me—not my performance.

Just Come

If you are grieving, you do not have to wait until you feel stronger before coming to God.

You do not have to organize your thoughts first.

You do not have to fix your heart before presenting it to Him.

Just come.

Come with your broken heart.

Come with the questions you cannot answer.

Come with the disappointment, anger, confusion, and exhaustion.

Come with the grief of losing a loved one, a relationship, a job, a dream, or the person you used to be.

Come honestly.

God is not waiting for a polished version of you. He is inviting you to bring Him the heart you have today.

That is what grief taught me.

I did not have to perform my way into God’s presence. I only had to bring Him my honest heart.

A Prayer for the Woman Who Is Grieving

Father, I pray for the woman reading this who is carrying grief she does not have words for. Meet her in the place that feels lonely, confusing, or too heavy to explain. Remind her that she does not have to fix herself before coming to You. Help her bring You her honest heart. Become her refuge, her strength, and her help. Let Your grace meet her exactly where she is today. In Jesus’ name, amen.

If grief has uncovered emotions you have carried quietly, The Heart Check is a five-day Christian devotional journal created to help you bring those hidden places honestly before God.

Begin your 5-Day Heart Check →
https://www.etsy.com/listing/4577265490/

Repent. Return. Remain.