Thriving Jewelz

When Fear Makes You Want to Control Everything

Fear does not always look like panic.

Sometimes it looks like overthinking every decision, preparing for every possible outcome, or struggling to move until we know exactly how everything will turn out.

Sometimes fear looks like control.

Control can make us feel protected. If we plan carefully enough, work hard enough, and hold everything together, perhaps we can prevent another disappointment.

But beneath that desire for control is often a deeper question:

What if I try again and still fail?

When Fear Imprisoned Me

I experienced this while pursuing nursing.

Nursing school represented more than earning a degree. It was a dream my eighteen-year-old self did not pursue after failing biology. That experience caused me to question whether I was capable of becoming a nurse.

Fear imprisoned me. It kept me from moving forward and convinced me that one failure had already determined what I could accomplish.

Years later, I finally pursued that dream.

Nursing school carried the weight of my family’s sacrifices, my sense of purpose, and the future I had worked hard to build. It also carried a promise I had made to my father before he passed away. He had been instrumental in encouraging me to pursue nursing and believed that I could finish what I had started.

When I failed out during my second semester, I was devastated.

It felt as though the fear I had carried since I was eighteen had finally been proven right. I felt as though I had not only failed myself but had also fallen short of the promise I had made to my father.

The failure quickly became personal. I did not simply believe that I had failed a nursing program—I began to believe that I was a failure.

Shame made me question my ability, my purpose, and whether I had any right to try again.

Returning Required Me to Confront the Shame

Returning to nursing school required more than reenrolling.

I had to confront the shame attached to what had happened. I had to separate the experience of failing from my identity and recognize that one painful chapter did not have the authority to determine the rest of my story.

Overcoming shame did not mean pretending the failure never happened. It meant becoming honest about it, learning from it, and refusing to remain imprisoned by it.

I returned while still carrying fear and uncertainty. I could not guarantee that everything would work out differently, but I could choose to take the next step.

Eventually, I completed nursing school and became a registered nurse.

The failure was real, but it was not final.

Fear Wants a Guarantee

That experience taught me how closely fear and control can be connected.

After we experience failure or disappointment, we may want certainty before we move again. We want guarantees before we try, proof that we will succeed, and reassurance that we will never experience that kind of pain again.

But faith does not always provide those guarantees.

Sometimes faith looks like returning after disappointment.

Sometimes it looks like showing up while you are still afraid.

Sometimes it means trusting God enough to take the next step without knowing exactly how the story will unfold.

Proverbs 3:5–6 reminds us not to depend entirely on our own understanding but to acknowledge God and allow Him to direct our path.

Isaiah 41:10 reminds us that we do not have to face fear alone because God promises to strengthen and uphold us.

Second Timothy 1:7 reminds us that fear is not what God has given us. He offers power, love, and a sound mind.

These Scriptures do not promise that we will never face disappointment or failure. They remind us who remains with us when we do.

What Has Fear Been Telling You?

Fear often speaks in conclusions:

• You failed once, so you will fail again.
• You missed your opportunity.
• You are not capable.
• You need to control everything before you can move.
• If you cannot guarantee the outcome, you should not try.

But fear does not get to write the final sentence of your story.

Pause and ask yourself:

• What am I afraid will happen if I try again?
• Have I allowed a past failure to become part of my identity?
• Where am I reaching for control because I am afraid of being disappointed?
• What is one step I can take without having every answer?
• What truth from God’s Word do I need to return to?

You do not have to pretend that you are no longer afraid. Honesty is part of the process.

Repent. Return. Remain.

This is the rhythm I continue to practice:

Repent — recognize where fear, shame, or the need for control has influenced what you believe, and turn toward God.

Return — come back to His presence through worship and His Word. Return even if you feel embarrassed, uncertain, or disappointed.

Remain — stay connected to Him without demanding an immediate answer or guaranteed outcome.

Returning does not erase what happened. It prevents what happened from keeping you imprisoned.

Failure was part of my story, but it was never the final verdict over my life.

If fear, disappointment, anger, or the need for control has been weighing on your heart, The Heart Check is a five-day devotional journal designed to help you slow down, become honest about what you are carrying, and bring it into God’s presence.

Begin Your Heart Check on Etsy

You do not have to have everything figured out before you come to God.

Just come.

Repent. Return. Remain.

— Julie
Thriving Jewelz